To the next generation.
The government regrets to announce that due to unforeseen circumstances we have had to incur significant deficits in our endeavour to subsidise the avarice of the financial sector.
Whilst every effort has been made to blame the social democratic actions of the previous government, we have been forced to make several changes which may affect you. Although these decisions are mainly driven by the structural deficit we have strived, wherever possible, to target the poor and young for purely ideological purposes.
Education remains one of Britain’s last great industries, a source of national prestige and a symbol of a free society. As a result of this we will be dropping government funding of this area by 40% in order to take Britain forward. We expect that the subsequent failure to attract foreign students (a major source of income) will be offset by our decision to deny visas to applicants seeking to visit the country for the purpose of education.
We regret to advise you that the coalition has also decided to raise your university fees by 200%. This is in order to help us achieve our goal of raising capital to pay back government debt. In light of our ideological goals I would like to take the time to assure you that your extra funding will not be wasted on your education.
Thank you for your understanding during these difficult times. Once again I would like to assure you that there is no such thing as society.